then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
