your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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