we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
