seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I touched a dick in church today
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
