i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
