Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
