I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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