I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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