who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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