dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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