overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
