you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
