tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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