I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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