I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And then he peed in my hair
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