I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
