i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
