I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
