This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
