You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
