She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
