But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
