Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
