Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
