In America we eat man semen.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize