no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize