It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
