I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
