just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
