To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize