Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
