Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
