the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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