I haven't been this sober since birth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who died my cat blue again?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
