i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
