I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
