Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
