so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
