I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He better not be in your backpack
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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