I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
