I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
