Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
