just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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