So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
