Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What a dumb baby whore.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
