obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
