She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize