Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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