I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
