Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
