I hate all girls vehemently.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
