You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
