We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
