This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
