The maid of honor just puked.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
from now on my penis is your penis
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
