I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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