Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
