Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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