I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
