OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize