I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
