I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
