where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
